Tips For Navigating A Push-pull Relationship

We get it, a relationship of mystery can be exhilarating but can also be excruciatingly frustrating particularly when one party has more control than the other. A push-pull relationship is simply defined as a cycle where one person reacts differently to their partner depending on his or her mood.

It is like the cycle of hot and cold where at a time, a partner is so crazy about their significant other and always wants to be around them until he snaps. Then begins the other period, the cold or the push period. The partner starts withdrawing without any explanation.

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At this time in the push-pull relationship cycle, the other party starts wondering what he or she has done. This time can be extremely difficult and frustrating until the phase ends and then begins another cycle of pull or the hot cycle. This type of relationship is not healthy and screams toxic at second look.

TBN believes this is because the mixed signals in this type of relationship cause severe emotional distress, tension, Confusion, insecurity and instability. Oftentimes, they are a manifestation of previous hurts and trauma but that is not an excuse to continue deliberately hurting your significant other.

That said, if you find yourself in a push-push relationship whether it’s you or your partner, we have curated action-based tips to get the best out of your relationship. Remember, that you can only enjoy your partner when you continuously make plans to become better for them.

1. Recognize it’s a problem: One sure way to get ahead of a push-pull relationship is recognizing that the situation is not ideal. If you don’t think that it is a problem then, you won’t get around to finding a solution. It is also crucial to understand why it is a problem and what triggers it. That way, you can show mastery of the situation and get a hold of it.
2. Talk about It: recognizing that your relationship is going through the direction of a hot and cold cycle is important but not enough. You must communicate to your partner about your findings and how the situation is affecting you. An open honest conversation about you and your partner’s feelings, concerns, and desires in the relationship will position you both on how best to proceed
3. Establish Healthy Boundaries: Discussing what causes the push-pull relationship cycle will lead to establishing healthy boundaries. For instance, if the trigger of the cycle is due to a demanding job, both partners can create boundaries of checking with each other at certain times to avoid distractions. Another boundary is to maintain respect even amid arguments
4. Seek therapy or counselling: some triggers of the hot and cold cycle in a relationship may stem from a deep-rooted trauma that can only be addressed through therapy or counselling. You and your partner may go through it as a couple or individually if there are things that you are not yet comfortable sharing with him. The goal is to resolve any issue that is contributing to the dynamic.
5. Pay attention to personal growth and self-care:   Every relationship has challenges but you should know when to cut your losses and move on. You can only do that if you have built good self-awareness and self-esteem. Building strong self-esteem gives a logical perspective on your situation and reduces your constant need for validation that comes from a partner. That way you are not romanticizing your push-pull relationship dynamics.

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        6. Move on: After putting in your best effort to make it work but your partner’s reluctance isn’t helping, the best step is to move on regardless of how involved you are in the relationship. You want to be with someone who thinks the world of you and wants to be the best version of themselves for you. It won’t be easy but with enough grit, you will pull through.

To break out of a push-pull relationship cycle, both partners must be willing to put all hands on the decks, if not one person will be hurt and frustrated. Remember the cycle is not ideal and you should not have to deal with it.

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EKENECHUKWU EYIMEGWU

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